I'm not keen on New Year's Resolutions because they imply we are not good enough…
Taking the first steps after divorce can be the hardest and scariest to take.
“A journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step”, said Lao Tzu.
That seems obvious doesn’t it? To get to where we want to go, however far away or however big a goal that place might be, there has to be a first step. Obvious but maybe not as simple as it might seem, especially for those facing the total upheaval of establishing a new life after divorce
Those scary first steps after divorce
You’d think it would be easy. A single step in the right direction. Followed by another single step, and so on.
From a humble beginning great things can be achieved by taking series of single steps, focused on a destination and making up a significant journey. Which of course is often a lot easier said than done!
This can be especially true after the upset of relationship breakup. Moving from the old and familiar to the new is challenging at the best of times. However, if we don’t feel the new direction is what we want then the resistance is even greater. Even when we KNOW we need to move on, why is the first step so very hard and what can we do about it?
To make a commitment to a new path, a change, a different direction can seem both huge and fearsome.
When our world has been turned upside down by breakup to move onto the new can seem overwhelming. Often we would rather do everything in our power to not have to make those changes.
We might stay stuck for months or even years, constantly looking to our past vision of how we thought our future was going to be, rather than moving forward with what we are faced with now. Even though we know in our head that we can’t change another’s behaviour. And despite that we might recognise that for some time the relationship hadn’t been as good as it once was.
We could perhaps even admit to ourselves that we had ignored or denied the signs that showed us that all was not right. But the challenge of moving out of our comfort zone and into the unknown has been in the ‘too hard’ box and kept us from taking action.
Why is it hard to take the first steps after divorce?
Above all these things there is one single reason why that initial step into a new life is the hardest and scariest of all.
The first step after divorce encompasses and represents everything we are leaving behind, everything that we wanted and dreamed would be for us and in our lives in the future.
No longer can we deny that
- the relationship wasn’t always good.
- it’s now over.
- we need to take action ourselves and move forward, rather than looking back and wondering ‘What if?’
The first steps after divorce encompasses and represents everything we are leaving behind, everything that we wanted and dreamed would be for us and in our lives in the future.
The first step means moving away from both the dream world of denial, pain and suffering and also accepting the reality of our situation. It moves us away from the endless scenarios from the past that our mind likes to confuse and question us with. But there is good news! There is something else we will not be denying with our first step. We will no longer be denying that we have the ability to be the master of our own destiny. Instead of being stuck we can move on and see where it takes us!
The first steps after divorce are like saying we are ready to move
The process of taking that first step, is us saying to ourselves, our subconscious, The Universe even if you like, that we are starting to take action towards being everything that we want to become. That we are prepared to change, to be flexible, to look at life anew and grow in the process.
We are saying that we
- want to move forward.
- are ready to leave the pain and suffering behind
These are a very compelling statements to make because it
- puts us, perhaps for the first time in our lives, on a path to a future of our choosing.
- means recognising your self-worth.
- means putting yourself at the top of the list, perhaps for the first time ever.
And yes, it means a step into the unknown, away from the familiar, away from the ‘uncomfortable comfortable’ if you like. However, it will also take us into a greater freedom than was previously possible.
The process of taking that first step, is us saying to ourselves, we are prepared to change, to be flexible, to look at life anew and grow in the process.
We may still go back and forth a bit, that is very common. It’s not a smooth upward path. There will be challenges to be met. However that is all part of life and living anyway.
The two choices: forward or stuck
We need to openly recognise the deep inner knowing that there are only in practice two choices. The options are to either go forward or stay stuck. And stuck in reality means going backwards and life getting smaller. So that single first move forward is really the only way.
Taking that first step is the most powerful step of all, because it means you are ready to stand in your own light and be all that you can be.
You are no longer a victim or simply a label attached to your family circumstances such as wife, mother, daughter etc.
What you are saying now is that you will not settle for a small life or second best.
- declaring you deserve the best and you are going to claim it
- acknowledging that you are a strong, loving, peaceful, independent woman
- going on a journey to truly find that woman in all her glory and enjoy her company
Just do it
So, I guess what that wise old Chinese master was saying was – just do it.
You know you must at some point make a move or another or stay stuck, so no more prevaricating, take the action and go. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from being your true self and living your life to the full.
Once you’ve taken the first step, the second step is easier.
Of course there will be challenges and more difficult steps, that’s part of life. But once you are traveling in the direction of your true being you will be on your way. You will feel better about life. And you will be going in the direction of your choosing, not one dictated by another’s decision.
If you’re already on your way – huge congratulations! That’s great news. Your world awaits and I am truly happy for you!
However if you feel would like some help in clarifying what you need to do to get to that point and then direction to help you see it through in the fastest way, and without going down dead ends and rabbit holes, then book a free call with me and we can discuss how I and my programme can help you.
I have been where you are now, and I’ve found my way out and I would love to help you do it a lot LOT quicker than I did!
So book a call now and lets have a chat.