To move past those feelings of guilt and shame around divorce, I first had to…
When the bottom fell out of my world, I remember very clearly feeling overwhelmed by my divorce and everything that went with it. Those who have not experienced the ending of a marriage or partnership may never fully understand the feelings of desperation by those faced with such a total life change. The ordeal of being so lost and isolated are not something I’d wish on anyone else. For myself, I didn’t know where to turn and felt as if my whole life was over.
The worst part was how bad I felt about myself. The constant wondering whether it would have happened if I’d done this or that differently, or if I’d said this or not said that. There was worry for my children, myself, and our future. Ultimately I was sick with the shock and uncertainty.
What’s the one thing I know now that I wish I’d known then?
There’s lots of blogs on this website covering various topics. I cover what has helped both me and my clients. But perhaps the single biggest thing I wish I’d known when going through my own divorce was that you don’t have to solve everything overnight. You don’t need to work out how to get out of the mess of it all in one go. When you try to do that just scrambles your brain and makes you feel inadequate. All that is needed to do is take one step at a time. Knowing that was such a relief!
It’s a relief to know you don’t have to sort the situation all in one go.
Divorce and relationship breakup upends your life in such a way that overwhelm and times of despair are the result. There are so many decisions to be made in almost every aspect of life. Relationships with family and friends need to be renegotiated, assets divided, home arrangements reassessed. The list goes on and on. On top of that is the emotional turmoil involved. Then you have a situation where you can feel as if you are drowning in it all.
Feeling overwhelmed by divorce is similar to being stuck like a rabbit in the headlights
The best approach I know is to set up a process to get you from A to Z. Taking a series of small but consistent steps will get you where you want to be. Small steps makes it manageable. It gives hope and encouragement. Because overwhelm feels like being stuck like a rabbit in the headlights. It’s all too much. Taking the steps helps you feel empowered again.
Studies suggest it takes an average of around 9 weeks for a new behaviour to become embedded. This is why it’s important to be consistent and to move the needle forward every day. It doesn’t matter how small the steps are, just keep going and don’t let the overwhelm cause you to freeze and stay stuck. Also reach out for whatever help you can find to support you along the way. It might be an inspirational book. You might hold onto a daily word or a mantra to encourage you. Or sing or dance to change your mood and energy and help lift your motivation to take the next step. If you can lift your mood it makes everything easier to handle.
Here’s a secret not many know….
Here’s a little secret not many people know. You can train your emotions. It’s true, you really can. That’s not the same as supressing them. Supressing emotions is definite ‘no-no’!
You also don’t have to feel hopeless and you don’t have to feel overwhelmed by divorce. You’ll make a huge difference by taking steps towards your new life every day. In this way you are opening yourself your new life and taking action to get there.
If you’re not sure where you are going, or want some help to get things moving towards the life you want, I offer 1-2-1 sessions to help you on your way. You can book a call to discuss what you need and how I can help you here.
Whatever is happening, or wherever you are, remember I am always
Cheering you on in your new life!
Have you checked out my book ‘Rise Again After Divorce’ yet?
It’s available as an eBook, paperback and on audio and you can find it on Amazon here