I'm not keen on New Year's Resolutions because they imply we are not good enough…
As you move on and start making a new start after your divorce, you will also want to avoid repeating history. You want the pain to end but you don’t want the situation to return in ‘different clothes’. You want to feels secure, and for your life to be more settled again. I get that.
We can move away from situations we don’t want to face but it’s important to remember we take ourselves with us wherever we go!
Making a fresh start is unavoidable after a relationship breakup. But if you want to avoid getting into the same situation again, if you want to move forward fast, then it is critical to take an honest look at the person you are making a new start with. Yourself.
You’ve done nothing wrong
Contrary to what you may be thinking, it’s not that you’ve done anything wrong, it’s more that you are likely are missing some key understandings about yourself and the world you have grown up in.
In fact, one of the big questions people ask after a traumatic event such as divorce is ‘Who Am I?’
It’s so easy to lose yourself in a relationship and after it ends you are left wondering where the ‘true me’ went?
You are the most significant person in your world.
I want you to know you are the most significant person in your world.
You are the person with whom you spend the most time.
And you have value, deserve respect, and are most definitely and absolutely worth spending time on.
Let’s look at it another way.
You have been given the gift of life, and it is yours to nourish and cherish.
You are not less than anyone else. Nature is a great teacher and is giving you a clue here. The sun doesn’t shine any less on you than anyone else.
You are not more than anyone else either!
Making a new start after divorce means giving yourself priority
It is not selfish to take time for yourself, for your personal development, and well-being. In actual fact it’s the opposite; it’s actually selfish not to.
When you fly on an airplane, the demonstration before taking off emphasises that, if the cabin pressure drops, an oxygen mask will drop down for you to use. You are advised to put yours on before anyone else’s. Why? Because how can you help anyone else if you don’t look after yourself first?
It seems obvious, doesn’t it? But we can often spend our lives putting everyone else first and then find we get sick, things go wrong, and others don’t appreciate our efforts.
When you give yourself priority you understand how not to repeat history
Making a new start after divorce whilst avoiding repeating history involves optimising self worth and self care. If you get self-care right, when you know your worth, you align yourself with the universe and life flows. And when life flows, everything you need follows along with it. When that happens you will not repeat history. You will see what you didn’t understand before and you won’t go there again.
Giving yourself priority also means you know instinctively when to take action and when to let things be. You understand yourself more and as a result you understand more deeply where others are coming from. Then judgement of yourself and others diminishes, and intuition grows.
People who are needy, who feel less than others or want to be approved of, attract bullies and are more likely to being exploited. People who know themselves, value and approve of themselves and stand in their own power attract respect and love.
Self-care is NOT selfish, it is essential
To summarise- self-care is NOT SELFISH, It is essential for you to grow, love, learn and become all that you are meant to be. If you want to be loved and respected, if you want to be valued, then you have to do all those things for yourself first.
You don’t have to do this alone. There is support available for you, including from people who have been there before you and know the road. And keep taking the steps each day.
There is help for you to make these changes more easily
If the need to fully value yourself resonates with you then you might like to know I have created a course based around this very topic. I go deeply into everything we’ve just talked about here, and much much more.
You can find more information here: Who Am I? Reclaim your life after divorce
In the meantime,
Cheering you on in your new life,
With love always,
Have you checked out my book ‘Rise Again After Divorce’ yet?
It’s available as an eBook, paperback and on audio and you can find it on Amazon here