Fear of loneliness around divorce is often one of the reasons that people stay in…
Today I was asked the question ‘Why don’t we seek help when we need it?’ and it set me pondering. When the cracks suddenly appeared in my own marriage I did seek help for the shock, but I did it on the quiet. I didn’t want my friends, family, or colleagues to know what was happening. There were feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion. Quite frankly I had no idea how to handle what was going on. The breakdown was exposing me to an aspect of life that I had no idea about or experience of.
I didn’t know anyone else who had gone through a marriage breakup so I didn’t think anyone I already knew would be able to help, and I wanted to keep up the façade that everything in my life was still hunky dory. Anything else was too painful to contemplate.
Resistance is why we don’t seek help (and it keeps you stuck)
In short, I was resistant to change. I wanted it all sorted on the quiet and then I could get back to my life. ( message to self – Dream on honey!)
Someone who isn’t ready or prepared to make changes or see things from a new perspective can be stuck in a dark place. In the beginning I was only able to peep at the problem from behind a cushion; I wasn’t ready to face it head on. I was too fearful of going into the unknown. It was too hairy scary.
To really get the help we need during a major life adjustment such as relationship break up or divorce the barriers of resistance to change need to move. Sometimes they go slowly, other times there’s a great rushing tide that can feel overwhelming. But when there’s a movement to find the very depths of the issue you can break free from its grip.
The need to get to a place where we choose life
Seeking help and support through those changes can make the journey so much easier. Some people accept change easier than others. You know change will happen when someone says ‘enough is enough’! When they get to that point where they are determined not to live a small, painful life anymore and decide they are going to go for it. When they are ready to see what happens when they get honest with themselves and others. In other words when they have come a point where life is so miserable already there’s nothing to lose. They are prepared to choose life and see what happens.
When a shift in resistance happens the guidance can be heard, opportunities can be recognised, new doors open and life can flow again.
It all starts and finishes with us. You have the power, and when you know it and use it life is never the same again – and thank goodness for that!
Feel free to drop me a line here if you want to know more about reclaiming your power so you can have what you want for your own life.
And remember, you can access the FREE course, ‘How to get over your divorce faster’ here
Cheering you on in your new life,