As you move on and start making a new start after your divorce, you will…
There’s a famous quote from Mark Twain, along the lines that it is not the things we did that we will regret at the end of our lives, but rather the things that we didn’t do. For whatever reason, the vision gets sidetracked.
What stops us from making our dreams a reality?
Why can it be so difficult to make your vision happen?
I used to know someone that longed to go travelling across the other side of the globe. They talked about it for years, it was their dream. Yet they never got around to booking it. Then, as time went by, they started to say they would do it when they retired. But that was many years ago, and the last I heard their health was deteriorating, and the trip is now very unlikely, and not just because of pandemic restrictions. They had the finances, the time, the dream, and for a long time the health. But they delayed. Something has been stopping them from making this seemingly achievable dream a reality. It was so close, so very close, yet they couldn’t grasp it. Why?
We all have things we resist doing or changing, even though we know life would be better if we could overcome it.
Resistance is a form of fear. It is what closes doors for us. If you can identify what the fear is you have a better chance of seeing it in its true colours. You can see that it’s a blockage, like a locked door, that is stopping you get the life you want. Awareness can really help change things because, of course, you can’t change something if you are not aware of it!
If something is stopping you going for that new job, relationship, trip of a lifetime, or even going into a restaurant on your own and enjoying a meal in your own company, then have a look at what the fear is behind it. It might be a lack of confidence, lack of self-worth, feeling not good enough or that you don’t deserve it. It might be that you are worrying about what others are thinking, feeling overwhelmed, or are anxious about doing something new and stepping into the unknown. I know – fear, stress, worry and anxiety keep on getting in the way!
How do you get the ball rolling, kick those fears into touch and make your vision happen?
Step one – identify the fear that is stopping the vision being a reality
Is it real or is it blown out of proportion now you come to really eyeball it? Is it a habit or is it a situation of genuine danger?
Believe it or not, I was seriously terrified when I published my book. But when I looked at the situation logically I couldn’t see what I was really afraid of. The feeling was real though, believe me, it was real.
I took a close look at the source of the fear so I could identify it more specifically and see what was the worst that could happen. When I did that I realised no-one was going to die because I published a book! Yes some people might be critical, yes I was opening myself up and sharing my own vulnerability, but so what? If it helped one person it was worth it. I changed my self-talk and went ahead and pressed ‘publish’.
Step Two – break down the fear triggered by the vision into manageable pieces
For example, my old friend, facing what felt to them the daunting task of organising and going on a major trip abroad, could have taken things one step at a time and paced out the action-taking. Maybe week one would involve researching the destinations and deciding which to go for. The next week could focus on contacting tourist information offices in that area. The next week the step would be to join groups for advice and tips, and the next week researching flights etc.
If it’s getting the confidence to apply for a new job, or make a career change it’s a similar process. For example, week one research what you want to do, week two get in contact with people or organisations that can help and advise you, week three research colleges that might provide any training you might need or people who can help you with your CV etc. etc.
None of us wants to come to the end of our lives, (or even the end of the week!) and have regrets, but a lot of people do. You wouldn’t be reading this blog about lifestyle and wellbeing if regret from inaction was destined to be for you!
Whatever situation you face the only way to make your vision happen is to take action. The way to take meaningful action is to take it step by step and keep going. Yes, there are likely to be challenges along the way. And yes, you will have to face those fears. But you will likely find that when faced they are not nearly as frightening as when you didn’t take action and allowed them to dominate your life choices. I encourage you to go press your own ‘publish’ button and see what happens.
My greatest wish for you is that you create the best possible life for yourself. If you feel you would like my personal help with any of the topics here then you are welcome to book a free no-obligation call here and we can talk it through.