I'm not keen on New Year's Resolutions because they imply we are not good enough…
It’s essential to move past your breakup to make the new life you want a reality. Whatever you desire for your life, wherever you want to be, it’s going to take some sort of action to get there. But knowing where is the best place to start and then keeping going can be a challenge. Some start heading off in one direction and then it fizzles out because they lose the oomph needed to keep going? Then they get despondent, life moves into the too hard box and things start to slide downhill – again. So, here are some ideas to get things on the move, my top 7 tips to move past your breakup to the life you want. Remember, you don’t have to do them all at once. Choosing one for example, and doing it consistently, is better that doing more than is manageable and giving up.
It’s critically important to keep your motivation and energy as high as possible in order to make good decisions and get to those goals. Remember you are either moving forwards or backwards – because life never stands still!
First off, the quickest way to get back on your feet and stay there is to do things to care for yourself. Not just things like a new haircut or a pedicure (though that can be wonderful), but also healthy eating, exercise, seeking new friends. When you care for yourself, you give to yourself what you need. When you are able to give to yourself what you need you become independent and self-sufficient – in a good way. You are no longer at the mercy and whims of others. Life is steadier, and quite frankly a whole lot more enjoyable. Be you, love you and you will attract others who love the real you too. You truly deserve no less.
Getting support, non-judgemental support from people who really care about you and want the best for you is powerful. If you feel you want a private place to share and discover more then join our wonderful private Facebook group. Talking through topics in this sort of safe and confidential environment really does help people move through issues and get a resolution.
I’ll also be setting up some mini-group programmes very soon, which will be another way to meet like-minded people to share and grow with. More details very soon.
3 Change it up
Do something new. Is there something you have always wanted to do? Something creative perhaps. Creativity is a really useful and helpful way of working through grief and helps build your self-confidence and self-respect. Stop listening to the negative little voice that says you can’t and have a go.
Changing our routines generally is also a good idea. That’s one thing I discovered for myself when my marriage was breaking up. We had been in a rut. I had got into a rut. One where I felt safe, which is probably why I went there in the first place! Except the rut wasn’t a safe place to be, and finding that out was a huge shock. I discovered you might as well do what you want to do, live life to the full and have fun doing it!
If you’ve been moved out of your own rut with your breakup, don’t go looking to get back in another one! When you do that your world gets smaller. There is also strong evidence that changing things around – your diet, daily routine, being prepared to try something new, not only lifts your mood it is also anti-ageing as well as bringing you joy and more vigour – that’s a win-win-win!
4 Keep active
Our bodies are designed to move, and you can feel stagnant if you don’t get regular exercise, so keep physically active. The mind body connection is significant, so by exercising you are helping yourself feel better.
Studies have shown high stress and a sedentary lifestyle is a deadly combination. Especially for women. Exercise can buffer the effects of stress.
In addition, exercise has a positive effect on the microbiome, the combination of healthy bacteria in our bodies that influence how we process our food, as well as influencing our hormones and neurotransmitters. It doesn’t have to be going to the gym. Swimming, yoga, pilates, tai chi are all good too. Some people like wall climbing, others prefer line dancing. As long as you enjoy it and find it fun, then do it.
5 Find the humour
People who laugh a lot and are able to find the fun in life are a joy to be around, it lifts everyone. You can do that for yourself too. Sometimes I tell myself jokes and then laugh uproariously at them, because some things in life are just too ridiculous to take seriously. Have fun wherever you are and until it becomes a habit, actively look for the humour in life.
If you don’t know where to start with the fun side, then listening to uplifting music is a great way to break a low mood or situation. There are loads of terrific playlist suggestions on most streaming sites, or get out your old dance CD’s and get a movin’. That way you can incorporate exercise, laughter and music all at once. So there you go – three tips in one here!
6 Make lists
Make a list of all the things you need to do and put yourself and self-care at the top. You at the top is non-negotiable. That is how valuable you are. Making a list can help you both prioritise and avoid overwhelm. Tick things off as you go and add others in as you need to. A list enables you to be accountable and makes sure you optimise the use of your time. If you don’t know what to do next, go to your list!
7 Rediscover the magic and wonder of life
If you don’t know where to start with this one then see if you can spend some time with babies and small children as they discover the joy of new experiences for the first time. This will help you to see life anew again through their eyes. Or connect with a pet to experience the joy of their unconditional love and affection. You are loved and you are lovable. When you know that life is much brighter.
Remember, you are not the same person you were before your relationship started. You will have grown and learnt a lot and gained positive things from it even if sometimes its hard not to focus on the negative.
Continue taking steps to keep yourself out of a new rut and keep doing new things and going to new places. You never know who you’re going to meet in those settings. If you want to go for a drive you can’t leave the car in the garage!
With all these tips and ideas we’re looking at, consistency is the key. Take small, baby steps, build the habits, see the results.
So there you are. 7 top tips to move past your breakup.
Being in toxic relationships is damaging for your health, both physically and mentally, and will keep you stuck. As you change and grow your relationships overall will inevitably change for the better too, so keeping motivated and moving is essential to get to where you want to be, the life where you shine in all your glory.
If you feel you need more help, then you can reach out to me for a free no-obligation call to get things moving for you.